Cikgu A-D mendapati ramai orang menyimpan beberapa helai wang kertas terutama yang ada nombor siri cantik. Untuk majlis berdoa kekayaan, sila bawa wang tersebut itu untuk kita doa "energi"kan wang itu - ada cara yang akan diberitahu dalam taklimat sebelah pagi. Selama ini anda lipat dan simpan saja dalam dompet jadi "power"nya tidak digunakan sebaiknya dan ianya makin kehilangan "power"nya - ianya sepatutnya "digunakan".
Duit kertas tak bernyawa tetapi setiap yang ada di alam semesta ini merupakan entiti ciptaan Yang Maha Kuasa, jadi duit sebagai medium sahaja.
Duit kertas tak bernyawa tetapi setiap yang ada di alam semesta ini merupakan entiti ciptaan Yang Maha Kuasa, jadi duit sebagai medium sahaja.
Dari satu laman web; "Muar di dalam sejarah Kerajaan Melayu Melaka mendapat perhatian Belanda dan Portugis kerana emas yang boleh didapati di lereng Gunung Ledang (Emas ini mengikut lagenda merupakan hantaran jambatan emas oleh Sultan Melaka untuk meminang Puteri Gunung Ledang). Muar juga suatu ketika dahulu merupakan pengeluar lada hitam dan gambir yang utama. Belanda dan Portugis menjadikan Sungai Kesang hingga ke Sungai Ledang sebagai laluan utama pengangkutan barang dagangan. Sungai Muar di zaman dahulu telah menjadi laluan utama untuk ke Pahang kerana hulunya dikatakan terletak di Tasik Bera, Pahang.
Gold is a chemical element with the symbol Au (from Latin: aurum "gold") and an atomic number of 79
Angka 79 disukai kerana angka 7 dan 9 yang selalunya baik.
Angka 79 disukai kerana angka 7 dan 9 yang selalunya baik.
Anda mengenali beliau dan ada di antara kita yang telah menghadiri seminar-seminar motivasi beliau - teruskan belajar dan yang belum berkesempatan tu tambahkan lagi ilmu anda.
Anda sudah dapat perkongsian ilmu dan pengalaman daripada beliau dan kini anda mahu menjejaki kejayaan yang sama seperti beliau.. tetapi anda kurang bersedia kerana tidak mahu mana satu nak mula.
Satu cara adalah menggunakan kaedah pernomboran yang mana pola-pola tarikh lahir memberi panduan untuk anda membuat strategi kejayaan. Anda lihatlah pola-pola angka beliau tu (hm, ada 38 rupanya juga). Bagaimanakah untuk membaca pola-pola angka tersebut dan membandingkan dengan potensi anda, mana tau anda (ahli keluarga atau pekerja anda) juga ada pola-pola angka yang sama jadi bagaimana caranya untuk menggunakannya? Ini adalah satu contoh daripada banyak contoh yang akan dibentangkan nanti.
Terdapat banyak lagi pola-pola angka dan penjelasan mendalam akan dibuat untuk anda mengkaji potensi anda dengan lebih mendalam berbanding penjelasan sebelum ini yang ringkas.
Anda sudah dapat perkongsian ilmu dan pengalaman daripada beliau dan kini anda mahu menjejaki kejayaan yang sama seperti beliau.. tetapi anda kurang bersedia kerana tidak mahu mana satu nak mula.
Satu cara adalah menggunakan kaedah pernomboran yang mana pola-pola tarikh lahir memberi panduan untuk anda membuat strategi kejayaan. Anda lihatlah pola-pola angka beliau tu (hm, ada 38 rupanya juga). Bagaimanakah untuk membaca pola-pola angka tersebut dan membandingkan dengan potensi anda, mana tau anda (ahli keluarga atau pekerja anda) juga ada pola-pola angka yang sama jadi bagaimana caranya untuk menggunakannya? Ini adalah satu contoh daripada banyak contoh yang akan dibentangkan nanti.
Terdapat banyak lagi pola-pola angka dan penjelasan mendalam akan dibuat untuk anda mengkaji potensi anda dengan lebih mendalam berbanding penjelasan sebelum ini yang ringkas.
How to Become a Money Magnet
By Valerie Dawson
Like most people, you have probably been taught to see money as a tangible resource that resides in your wallet and bank account until you need to spend it. You use it to pay bills, buy products and services, and support worthwhile causes.
When you need more money, you probably do what most people would do: take physical action that will bring in more money, such as working extra hours, asking your boss for a raise, or even selling a few of your material possessions.
What you may not realize is that you can attract money into your life in much easier ways; simply by changing the way you think about money and abundance. It’s called the Law of Attraction, and getting it to work effectively for you can make the difference between a lifetime of lack and struggle, or abundance and ease.
This report is going to share 7 of the biggest mistakes that people make when attempting to use the Law of Attraction to attract more money into their lives; and offer helpful suggestions on how to turn them around if you find that you may be doing the same.
Law of Attraction Money Mistake #1
Holding a Mind-Set of Lack and Struggle
Based on your own life experiences, would you say that obtaining money on a regular basis is easy or difficult? In other words, do you have to work very hard to receive enough money to cover your monthly expenses, or does money seem to come to you effortlessly?
Take some time to think carefully about these questions because they reveal something very important: your overall mind-set regarding money and wealth. You can tell immediately whether you have a wealth mind-set or lack mind-set by looking at your life experiences.
Law of Attraction Think Rich Lesson #1
Your Mind-Set Creates Your Experiences
The Law of Attraction is activated by your mind-set – in other words, the things you think, believe and feel on a regular basis. Here’s how it works: Your thoughts trigger your emotions. Your emotional state emits a specific frequency of energy to the universe, and the universe returns events and experiences into your life, that correspond with your emotional frequency.
When you think and feel positively on a regular basis, everything in your life seems to flow more easily, including money. When your thoughts and emotions lean more toward the negative side on a regular basis, you experience more problems, setbacks and financial lack in your life. Also important are your beliefs. Your beliefs form the structure of what is possible for you. If you believe you have to work hard to have a lot of money, you’ll create exactly that experience for yourself. If you don’t believe you deserve more than a certain amount of money, you’ll block more from arriving. Whatever your beliefs are, they are your TRUTH, and you will subconsciously create evidence that supports that truth over and over again until you learn to do things differently.
Law of Attraction Money Mistake #2
Focusing on What You Don’t Have
Have you ever agonized over a shortage of money? Have you worried obsessively about not being able to pay your bills or buy something you wanted? Believe it or not, you were probably making the situation worse by doing so.
We know that lack is the condition of not having something you want – in other words, the absence of something. But the absence of exactly what may surprise you. Lack is not the absence of money, or health, or love. Those are just the symptoms of lack. At its core, lack is simply the blockage of ENERGY. When it comes right down to it, everything is energy. When you experience lack of any kind, it’s a sure sign that you are cutting off the natural flow of energy through your life.
Every time you worry about your financial situation, agonize over a shortage of money, or feel stressed about your bills, you attract more of the experience of lack into your life.
Law of Attraction Think Rich Lesson #2
Focus on What You DO Have and DO Want
It may sound incredibly difficult to focus on the positive when your life doesn’t look so rosy, but it is vital to find a way to do it. When you focus on the good things you already have and think about the things you want from an optimistic and hopeful state of mind, you cannot help but attract more of them into your life.
There are endless ways to begin focusing your thoughts on the things you do have and do want. Start a gratitude journal and jot down a few things each day that you are grateful for. (Hint: even if these things are not related to money, they can still get that positive energy flowing and attract more good things into your life; including more money.) You can also visualize having more money and imagine being able to pay your bills easily. The more you focus on things like this, the more they will begin to show up in your physical reality.
Law of Attraction Money Mistake #3
Attracting Lack with Negative Emotions
Focusing on lack and struggle is destructive enough, but it’s possible to make it even worse by infusing this focus with strong, negative emotions. Think of your emotions as the fuel that lends power to everything that manifests in your life. When it comes to money, do you often find yourself locked into negative emotions like these? Fear Anxiety Helplessness Hopelessness Pessimism Doubt Frustration Worry Jealousy Resentment
Every time you experience emotions like these, you are creating more lack. In order to turn lack into abundance, you have to avoid investing in these negative emotions.
Law of Attraction Think Rich Lesson #3
How to Prevent Negative Emotions from Creating More Lack
There are two things you can do to prevent these emotions from creating more lack in your life:
1) First, avoiding sinking into feelings like those described above is crucial. As soon as you notice yourself starting to feel stressed or worried about money, immediately shift your focus to something else. You can engage in a bit of self-talk if it helps; say something like, "There’s no point worrying about something I can’t control, so I’m going to focus on something that makes me feel good." Then spend time on unrelated activities, or find a way to feel better about your financial situation.
2) Secondly, begin directing more positive emotions toward your financial situation.
Even if you have to engage in a bit of fantasizing in order to do so, you need to get some positive emotions flowing to attract more abundance. There are many ways to do this, but one that works well is to keep affirming, "I always have more than enough money for everything I need." Just keep saying it over and over again, allowing yourself to feel confident and happy that your financial needs are being met.
This is also a good thing to do when you notice you’re starting to feel worried or frightened about not having enough money. Immediately turn the focus around and say, "I ALWAYS have more than enough money for EVERYTHING I need." (Say it with power and conviction in your voice, and really believe that it is so.) As you begin shifting your focus from negative emotions to positive emotions every day, you should start to notice your financial situation shifting to a better place also.
You might receive an unexpected check in the mail, you might get a bonus or pay raise at work, or you may even notice you’re starting to receive unexpected gifts or discounts. These are great signs that it’s working! Keep replacing negative emotions with positive as often as possible and you’ll keep the good energy flowing – which will keep inspiring greater and greater change in your life
By Valerie Dawson
Like most people, you have probably been taught to see money as a tangible resource that resides in your wallet and bank account until you need to spend it. You use it to pay bills, buy products and services, and support worthwhile causes.
When you need more money, you probably do what most people would do: take physical action that will bring in more money, such as working extra hours, asking your boss for a raise, or even selling a few of your material possessions.
What you may not realize is that you can attract money into your life in much easier ways; simply by changing the way you think about money and abundance. It’s called the Law of Attraction, and getting it to work effectively for you can make the difference between a lifetime of lack and struggle, or abundance and ease.
This report is going to share 7 of the biggest mistakes that people make when attempting to use the Law of Attraction to attract more money into their lives; and offer helpful suggestions on how to turn them around if you find that you may be doing the same.
Law of Attraction Money Mistake #1
Holding a Mind-Set of Lack and Struggle
Based on your own life experiences, would you say that obtaining money on a regular basis is easy or difficult? In other words, do you have to work very hard to receive enough money to cover your monthly expenses, or does money seem to come to you effortlessly?
Take some time to think carefully about these questions because they reveal something very important: your overall mind-set regarding money and wealth. You can tell immediately whether you have a wealth mind-set or lack mind-set by looking at your life experiences.
Law of Attraction Think Rich Lesson #1
Your Mind-Set Creates Your Experiences
The Law of Attraction is activated by your mind-set – in other words, the things you think, believe and feel on a regular basis. Here’s how it works: Your thoughts trigger your emotions. Your emotional state emits a specific frequency of energy to the universe, and the universe returns events and experiences into your life, that correspond with your emotional frequency.
When you think and feel positively on a regular basis, everything in your life seems to flow more easily, including money. When your thoughts and emotions lean more toward the negative side on a regular basis, you experience more problems, setbacks and financial lack in your life. Also important are your beliefs. Your beliefs form the structure of what is possible for you. If you believe you have to work hard to have a lot of money, you’ll create exactly that experience for yourself. If you don’t believe you deserve more than a certain amount of money, you’ll block more from arriving. Whatever your beliefs are, they are your TRUTH, and you will subconsciously create evidence that supports that truth over and over again until you learn to do things differently.
Law of Attraction Money Mistake #2
Focusing on What You Don’t Have
Have you ever agonized over a shortage of money? Have you worried obsessively about not being able to pay your bills or buy something you wanted? Believe it or not, you were probably making the situation worse by doing so.
We know that lack is the condition of not having something you want – in other words, the absence of something. But the absence of exactly what may surprise you. Lack is not the absence of money, or health, or love. Those are just the symptoms of lack. At its core, lack is simply the blockage of ENERGY. When it comes right down to it, everything is energy. When you experience lack of any kind, it’s a sure sign that you are cutting off the natural flow of energy through your life.
Every time you worry about your financial situation, agonize over a shortage of money, or feel stressed about your bills, you attract more of the experience of lack into your life.
Law of Attraction Think Rich Lesson #2
Focus on What You DO Have and DO Want
It may sound incredibly difficult to focus on the positive when your life doesn’t look so rosy, but it is vital to find a way to do it. When you focus on the good things you already have and think about the things you want from an optimistic and hopeful state of mind, you cannot help but attract more of them into your life.
There are endless ways to begin focusing your thoughts on the things you do have and do want. Start a gratitude journal and jot down a few things each day that you are grateful for. (Hint: even if these things are not related to money, they can still get that positive energy flowing and attract more good things into your life; including more money.) You can also visualize having more money and imagine being able to pay your bills easily. The more you focus on things like this, the more they will begin to show up in your physical reality.
Law of Attraction Money Mistake #3
Attracting Lack with Negative Emotions
Focusing on lack and struggle is destructive enough, but it’s possible to make it even worse by infusing this focus with strong, negative emotions. Think of your emotions as the fuel that lends power to everything that manifests in your life. When it comes to money, do you often find yourself locked into negative emotions like these? Fear Anxiety Helplessness Hopelessness Pessimism Doubt Frustration Worry Jealousy Resentment
Every time you experience emotions like these, you are creating more lack. In order to turn lack into abundance, you have to avoid investing in these negative emotions.
Law of Attraction Think Rich Lesson #3
How to Prevent Negative Emotions from Creating More Lack
There are two things you can do to prevent these emotions from creating more lack in your life:
1) First, avoiding sinking into feelings like those described above is crucial. As soon as you notice yourself starting to feel stressed or worried about money, immediately shift your focus to something else. You can engage in a bit of self-talk if it helps; say something like, "There’s no point worrying about something I can’t control, so I’m going to focus on something that makes me feel good." Then spend time on unrelated activities, or find a way to feel better about your financial situation.
2) Secondly, begin directing more positive emotions toward your financial situation.
Even if you have to engage in a bit of fantasizing in order to do so, you need to get some positive emotions flowing to attract more abundance. There are many ways to do this, but one that works well is to keep affirming, "I always have more than enough money for everything I need." Just keep saying it over and over again, allowing yourself to feel confident and happy that your financial needs are being met.
This is also a good thing to do when you notice you’re starting to feel worried or frightened about not having enough money. Immediately turn the focus around and say, "I ALWAYS have more than enough money for EVERYTHING I need." (Say it with power and conviction in your voice, and really believe that it is so.) As you begin shifting your focus from negative emotions to positive emotions every day, you should start to notice your financial situation shifting to a better place also.
You might receive an unexpected check in the mail, you might get a bonus or pay raise at work, or you may even notice you’re starting to receive unexpected gifts or discounts. These are great signs that it’s working! Keep replacing negative emotions with positive as often as possible and you’ll keep the good energy flowing – which will keep inspiring greater and greater change in your life
The Many Scientific Benefits of Gratitude
By Drs. Blair and Rita Justice
"Gratitude is a vaccine, an antitoxin, and an antiseptic."
-- John Henry Jowett
If you start practicing now, you could be grateful by Thanksgiving. Not only that, your marriage could improve, you might be exercising more, feel less depressed, sleep better, have a healthier heart, more life satisfaction, and increase your chances of living longer.
This may sound like a late-night ad that comes with a free set of steak knives (...and that's not all!), but a growing body of research shows that gratitude is truly amazing in its physical and psychosocial benefits. The benefits are so great, in fact, that it's a wonder "gratitude gyms" aren't already being franchised.
Robert A. Emmons, PhD, professor of psychology at University of California, Davis, pioneer in the research on gratitude and one of the leading scholars in positive psychology, is author of Thanks: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier.
What makes gratitude the "magic ingredient" is that it takes us outside ourselves so that we can see how we are part of the larger, intricate network of sustaining relationships -- relationships that are reciprocal.
In one of his first studies on gratitude, conducted with colleague Mike McCullough at the University of Miami, Emmons randomly assigned participants one of three tasks. Some were encouraged to feel gratitude indirectly, others to be indirectly negative and complaining, and a third group to be neutral.
Every week, participants kept a short journal. They briefly described either five things they were grateful for that had occurred in the past week, or the opposite, five daily hassles from the previous week that displeased them. The neutral group was asked to list five events or circumstances that affected them, but they were not told to accentuate the positive or negative. The results of this study at the end of 10 weeks:
• Participants in the gratitude group felt better about their lives as a whole and were more optimistic about the future than participants in either of the other control conditions—a full 25 percent happier.
• They reported fewer health complaints and even spent more time exercising than control participants.
• They had fewer symptoms of physical illness than the other two groups.
• The gratitude group exercised 1.5 hours more than the hassled group.
In a second study by Emmons, people were asked to write with daily frequency about things for which they were grateful or when they experienced gratitude. There was evidence that the daily intervention led to greater increases in gratitude than did the weekly practice in the first study. The results showed another benefit:
• Participants in the gratitude condition also reported offering others more emotional support or help with a personal problem, indicating that the gratitude condition increased "pro-social" motivation.
A third study on gratitude was conducted with adults having congenital and adult-onset neuromuscular disorders (NMDs), with the majority having post-polio disease (PPS).
• Compared to those who were not jotting down their blessings nightly, participants in the gratitude condition reported more hours of sleep each night, spending less time awake before falling asleep, and feeling more refreshed upon awakening.
• The gratitude group also reported more satisfaction with their lives as a whole, felt more optimism about the upcoming week, and felt considerably more connected with others than did participants in the control condition.
Gratitude versus Depression
The participants weren't the only ones believing life was better. According to the researchers, "Spouses of the participants in the gratitude condition reported that the participants appeared to have higher subjective well-being than did the spouses of the participants in the control condition."
Several studies have shown depression to be strongly inversely related to gratitude. The more grateful a person is, the less depressed they are. The more depressed, the less likely one is to feel thankful for life. One researcher, Philip Watkins, clinical psychologist at Eastern Washington University, found that clinically depressed individuals showed significantly lower gratitude (nearly 50 percent less) than non-depressed controls.
One reason may be that people who are grateful tend to show a positive recall bias (conjuring up many more pleasant memories than unpleasant ones) when asked about past life events, just as depressed individuals show a negative recall bias when asked about past life events. Watkins suggests that gratitude may help alleviate depression for three other reasons:
• Gratitude might increase a person's potential for enjoyment of benefits and "the benevolence of the event."
• A grateful attitude may provide useful coping skills for dealing with losses and other stressful events, such as appreciating important things that we have previously taken for granted.
• A grateful approach to life can increase one's focus on their benefits in life.
Marriage: the 5 to 1 ratio
Dr. John Gottman at the University of Washington has been researching marriages for two decades. The bottom line of all that research, he concludes, is that unless a couple is able to maintain a high ratio of positive to negative encounters (5:1 or greater), it is likely the marriage will end.
With 90 percent accuracy, Gottman can predict, often after only three minutes of observation, which marriages are likely to flourish and which will probably flounder. The formula is that for every negative expression (a complaint, frown, put-down, expression of anger) there needs to be about five positive ones (smiles, compliments, laughter).
So, what's the best way to create a positivity ratio? No surprises here. Gottman suggests practicing gratitude in marriage and having a goal of counting at least five blessings for every one complaint.
Gratitude and heart health
How about the healthy heart benefit? University of Connecticut psychologist Glen Affleck's research showed that the explanation a person fashions for why he or she has had a heart attack has implications for future cardiac health. He and colleagues at the Department of Community Medicine and Health Care found that cardiac patients who blamed their heart attacks on others were more likely to suffer another heart attack within the next eight years. On the other hand, perceiving benefits and gains from an initial heart attack, including becoming more appreciative of life, was related to a reduced risk for subsequent attack.
In a study at Duke University Medical Center, 3,000 patients with significant blockage who were more socially isolated were substantially less likely to say they count their blessings by comparing themselves to less fortunate others. The benefit of gratitude extended even to people who had heart transplants. At the University of Pittsburgh, a study of 119 heart transplant patients found "thankfulness and appreciation as an aspect of religious faith was positively related to their perceived physical and mental health at one year post-transplant. Thankfulness also was predictive of greater compliance with the medical regimen and of fewer difficulties with diet and medications."
Optimism and longevity
Can gratitude really help you live longer? Ample evidence suggests that hopelessness and despair can adversely impact the endocrine and immune systems, even hastening death. Conversely, being an optimist may help reduce your risk of dying from heart attack and other causes. A recent study at Mayo clinic found evidence suggesting that pessimists live shorter lives than optimists. People who scored high on optimism (measured on personality tests 30 years before) had a 50 percent lower risk of premature death than those who tested out as being more pessimistic.
A Dutch study reported that "optimistic" elderly men and women had a 55 percent lower risk of death from all causes and a 23 percent lower risk of cardiovascular death than pessimists.
One of the most direct links between gratitude and optimism is shown in the "Nun Study" by David Snowdon, professor in the Department of Neurology at the University of Kentucky Medical School. In his now-famous research, Snowdon found "the more positive emotions expressed in the life stories of these nuns (contentment, gratitude/thankfulness, happiness, hope and love), the more likely they were to still be alive six decades later
By Drs. Blair and Rita Justice
"Gratitude is a vaccine, an antitoxin, and an antiseptic."
-- John Henry Jowett
If you start practicing now, you could be grateful by Thanksgiving. Not only that, your marriage could improve, you might be exercising more, feel less depressed, sleep better, have a healthier heart, more life satisfaction, and increase your chances of living longer.
This may sound like a late-night ad that comes with a free set of steak knives (...and that's not all!), but a growing body of research shows that gratitude is truly amazing in its physical and psychosocial benefits. The benefits are so great, in fact, that it's a wonder "gratitude gyms" aren't already being franchised.
Robert A. Emmons, PhD, professor of psychology at University of California, Davis, pioneer in the research on gratitude and one of the leading scholars in positive psychology, is author of Thanks: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier.
What makes gratitude the "magic ingredient" is that it takes us outside ourselves so that we can see how we are part of the larger, intricate network of sustaining relationships -- relationships that are reciprocal.
In one of his first studies on gratitude, conducted with colleague Mike McCullough at the University of Miami, Emmons randomly assigned participants one of three tasks. Some were encouraged to feel gratitude indirectly, others to be indirectly negative and complaining, and a third group to be neutral.
Every week, participants kept a short journal. They briefly described either five things they were grateful for that had occurred in the past week, or the opposite, five daily hassles from the previous week that displeased them. The neutral group was asked to list five events or circumstances that affected them, but they were not told to accentuate the positive or negative. The results of this study at the end of 10 weeks:
• Participants in the gratitude group felt better about their lives as a whole and were more optimistic about the future than participants in either of the other control conditions—a full 25 percent happier.
• They reported fewer health complaints and even spent more time exercising than control participants.
• They had fewer symptoms of physical illness than the other two groups.
• The gratitude group exercised 1.5 hours more than the hassled group.
In a second study by Emmons, people were asked to write with daily frequency about things for which they were grateful or when they experienced gratitude. There was evidence that the daily intervention led to greater increases in gratitude than did the weekly practice in the first study. The results showed another benefit:
• Participants in the gratitude condition also reported offering others more emotional support or help with a personal problem, indicating that the gratitude condition increased "pro-social" motivation.
A third study on gratitude was conducted with adults having congenital and adult-onset neuromuscular disorders (NMDs), with the majority having post-polio disease (PPS).
• Compared to those who were not jotting down their blessings nightly, participants in the gratitude condition reported more hours of sleep each night, spending less time awake before falling asleep, and feeling more refreshed upon awakening.
• The gratitude group also reported more satisfaction with their lives as a whole, felt more optimism about the upcoming week, and felt considerably more connected with others than did participants in the control condition.
Gratitude versus Depression
The participants weren't the only ones believing life was better. According to the researchers, "Spouses of the participants in the gratitude condition reported that the participants appeared to have higher subjective well-being than did the spouses of the participants in the control condition."
Several studies have shown depression to be strongly inversely related to gratitude. The more grateful a person is, the less depressed they are. The more depressed, the less likely one is to feel thankful for life. One researcher, Philip Watkins, clinical psychologist at Eastern Washington University, found that clinically depressed individuals showed significantly lower gratitude (nearly 50 percent less) than non-depressed controls.
One reason may be that people who are grateful tend to show a positive recall bias (conjuring up many more pleasant memories than unpleasant ones) when asked about past life events, just as depressed individuals show a negative recall bias when asked about past life events. Watkins suggests that gratitude may help alleviate depression for three other reasons:
• Gratitude might increase a person's potential for enjoyment of benefits and "the benevolence of the event."
• A grateful attitude may provide useful coping skills for dealing with losses and other stressful events, such as appreciating important things that we have previously taken for granted.
• A grateful approach to life can increase one's focus on their benefits in life.
Marriage: the 5 to 1 ratio
Dr. John Gottman at the University of Washington has been researching marriages for two decades. The bottom line of all that research, he concludes, is that unless a couple is able to maintain a high ratio of positive to negative encounters (5:1 or greater), it is likely the marriage will end.
With 90 percent accuracy, Gottman can predict, often after only three minutes of observation, which marriages are likely to flourish and which will probably flounder. The formula is that for every negative expression (a complaint, frown, put-down, expression of anger) there needs to be about five positive ones (smiles, compliments, laughter).
So, what's the best way to create a positivity ratio? No surprises here. Gottman suggests practicing gratitude in marriage and having a goal of counting at least five blessings for every one complaint.
Gratitude and heart health
How about the healthy heart benefit? University of Connecticut psychologist Glen Affleck's research showed that the explanation a person fashions for why he or she has had a heart attack has implications for future cardiac health. He and colleagues at the Department of Community Medicine and Health Care found that cardiac patients who blamed their heart attacks on others were more likely to suffer another heart attack within the next eight years. On the other hand, perceiving benefits and gains from an initial heart attack, including becoming more appreciative of life, was related to a reduced risk for subsequent attack.
In a study at Duke University Medical Center, 3,000 patients with significant blockage who were more socially isolated were substantially less likely to say they count their blessings by comparing themselves to less fortunate others. The benefit of gratitude extended even to people who had heart transplants. At the University of Pittsburgh, a study of 119 heart transplant patients found "thankfulness and appreciation as an aspect of religious faith was positively related to their perceived physical and mental health at one year post-transplant. Thankfulness also was predictive of greater compliance with the medical regimen and of fewer difficulties with diet and medications."
Optimism and longevity
Can gratitude really help you live longer? Ample evidence suggests that hopelessness and despair can adversely impact the endocrine and immune systems, even hastening death. Conversely, being an optimist may help reduce your risk of dying from heart attack and other causes. A recent study at Mayo clinic found evidence suggesting that pessimists live shorter lives than optimists. People who scored high on optimism (measured on personality tests 30 years before) had a 50 percent lower risk of premature death than those who tested out as being more pessimistic.
A Dutch study reported that "optimistic" elderly men and women had a 55 percent lower risk of death from all causes and a 23 percent lower risk of cardiovascular death than pessimists.
One of the most direct links between gratitude and optimism is shown in the "Nun Study" by David Snowdon, professor in the Department of Neurology at the University of Kentucky Medical School. In his now-famous research, Snowdon found "the more positive emotions expressed in the life stories of these nuns (contentment, gratitude/thankfulness, happiness, hope and love), the more likely they were to still be alive six decades later
Mistik pun ada tempatnya!
Di sesi konsultansi lalu, seorang peserta yang menjalankan perniagaan restoran mengadu alami masalah gangguan paranormal / mistik (hm, macam biasa je dengar perkara nie...). Apabila diperiksa potensi maka terdapat dua perkara yang ditemui;
1. Peserta tersebut sedang mengalami fenomena "energi turun" - daripada graf hayat. Apabila "energi" turun seolah "pendinding" diri pun turun menyebabkan apa jua entiti negatif boleh datang mengganggunya. Oleh itu beberapa strategi penyelesaian dicadangkan.
2. Masalah yang dikatakan "wang lesap akibat toyol" dan masalah "makanan cepat basi kena santau" - Ternyata didapati tempat-tempat yang dikatakan ternampaknya atau wujudnya entiti mistik tersebut adalah arah tekanan dan halangan !! Jadi, tukarlah kedudukan dan beberapa strategi penyelesaian dicadangkan.
Oleh itu, adalah amat penting untuk anda sentiasa berada dalam situasi "energi" yang tinggi sentiasa berterusan dan arah lokasi kedudukan sesuatu bahan mestilah di tempat yang betul - kena periksa daripada arah tarikh lahir anda serta arah tarikh pendaftaran syarikat anda.
Mulai hari ini, semua usahawan yang ada kedai diminta bawa lakaran kedai anda beserta arah mata angin (utara, selatan, timur, barat atau sekurangnya arah kiblat) apabila datang untuk sesi konsultansi. Juga, bawa sijil SSM yang asal (pendaftaran pertama bukannya renewal) serta maklumat tarikh lahir pekerja-pekerja anda... kadang kala jatuh bangun bisnes adalah disebabkan potensi pekerja atau kakitangan anda walaupun anda berada dalam kitaran yang bagus.
Di sesi konsultansi lalu, seorang peserta yang menjalankan perniagaan restoran mengadu alami masalah gangguan paranormal / mistik (hm, macam biasa je dengar perkara nie...). Apabila diperiksa potensi maka terdapat dua perkara yang ditemui;
1. Peserta tersebut sedang mengalami fenomena "energi turun" - daripada graf hayat. Apabila "energi" turun seolah "pendinding" diri pun turun menyebabkan apa jua entiti negatif boleh datang mengganggunya. Oleh itu beberapa strategi penyelesaian dicadangkan.
2. Masalah yang dikatakan "wang lesap akibat toyol" dan masalah "makanan cepat basi kena santau" - Ternyata didapati tempat-tempat yang dikatakan ternampaknya atau wujudnya entiti mistik tersebut adalah arah tekanan dan halangan !! Jadi, tukarlah kedudukan dan beberapa strategi penyelesaian dicadangkan.
Oleh itu, adalah amat penting untuk anda sentiasa berada dalam situasi "energi" yang tinggi sentiasa berterusan dan arah lokasi kedudukan sesuatu bahan mestilah di tempat yang betul - kena periksa daripada arah tarikh lahir anda serta arah tarikh pendaftaran syarikat anda.
Mulai hari ini, semua usahawan yang ada kedai diminta bawa lakaran kedai anda beserta arah mata angin (utara, selatan, timur, barat atau sekurangnya arah kiblat) apabila datang untuk sesi konsultansi. Juga, bawa sijil SSM yang asal (pendaftaran pertama bukannya renewal) serta maklumat tarikh lahir pekerja-pekerja anda... kadang kala jatuh bangun bisnes adalah disebabkan potensi pekerja atau kakitangan anda walaupun anda berada dalam kitaran yang bagus.
Jenama dan produk Apple memang terkenal. Tarikh penubuhan pun cermin (dari atas hingga ke bawah - bukan setakat kiri kanan)... dan banyak angka 6 pulak tu malah tengah mata angin juga 6! Mahukah anda memiliki empayar perniagaan sebegini hebat? Cuma, status kewangan 3 tu yang menyebabkan ianya turun naik dalam kewangan. Namun daripada teknik cikgu A-D iaitu Petak Motif Hayat dari tahun 2005 - 2015 adalah kitaran 2 status kewangan 6 berbanding dengan dua dekad sebelumnya adalah kitaran 1 status kewangan 3 (untuk 20 tahun), dengan kata lain Apple terpaksa merana melalui 20 tahun yang perit. Kerana itulah, petak motif hayat perlu dilakarkan untuk tarikh pendaftaran syarikat untuk memantau prestasi perjalanan syarikat. Kaedah pernomboran bukan sekadar mengenali potensi, tetapi membina strategi dan seterusnya memantau prestasi serta melakukan program-program untuk peningkatan produktiviti (Tagline Kaedah Pernomboran: Potensi, Strategi, Prestasi, Produktiviti).
Sesi Konsultansi - Lakaran Pelan Rumah dan Bilik Tidur serta arah mata anginnya
Mulai hari ini, semua peserta untuk sesi konsultansi bersama cikgu A-D diminta / digalakkan untuk membawa gambarajah lakaran pelan rumah dan bilik tidur dan jika boleh ada lakaran arah mata angin (Utara, Timur, Barat, Selatan) dari tengah rumah/ bilik - atau sekurangnya arah kiblat. Ini disebabkan kerana peranan lokasi di dalam rumah dan bilik tidur menjadi satu daripada beberapa perkara utama untuk menjana "energi" kejayaan.
Baru-baru ini di sesi konsultansi 20 Nov lalu di pejabat Meru, Klang menjumpai satu perkara menarik tentang peranan arah dah lokasi. Ada seorang peserta yang menghadapi pelbagai bentuk liku-liku cabaran dalam hidup yang mana banyak usaha dilakukan tetapi tidak membuahkan hasil yang baik. Rupa-rupanya apabila diperiksa arah dari rumah ke pejabat adalah 5, dari pejabat balik ke rumah adalah 5, di dalam pejabat kedudukan meja di sudut 5, dahlah alamat pejabat Jalan 5/1, di rumah tempat tidurnya pula di sudut 5. Sebelum ini pernah buat bisnes tapi tak berapa menjadi rupanya dari pejabat ke tempat bisnes adalah 5... jadi, untuk membantu peserta ini berjaya, bukannya tukar potensi tapi sekadar tukar posisi dan arah aje! Kan mudah!
Juga, dalam sesi konsultansi 20 Nov lalu mendapati ada beberapa individu yang buat bisnes bermacam-macam tapi tak nampak berjaya... rupa-rupanya ada sindrom Pola Bermusim ! Jadi, mereka itu tidak perlu tukar bisnes, hanya cuma sistemkan pendekatan perniagaan. Untuk itulah, modul terbaru iaitu Modul Menyelesaikan Masalah Perniagaan Secara Kaedah Pernomboran (1 Jan 2012 di Meru, Klang, Jan 2012 di KL dan 4 Feb di Kulim, Kedah) akan dibuat untuk membimbing bakal dan para usahawan yang akan atau sedang atau telah dalam perniagaan untuk lebih berjaya mengatasi pelbagai fenomena yang mengganggu potensi dan prestasi perniagaan; antaranya Pola Bermusim, Pola Sendirian, Pola Bermacam, Pola Tolakan Pelanggan dsbnya... kita akan dedahkan penjelasannya dan seterusnya dapatkan penyelesaiannya.
Mulai hari ini, semua peserta untuk sesi konsultansi bersama cikgu A-D diminta / digalakkan untuk membawa gambarajah lakaran pelan rumah dan bilik tidur dan jika boleh ada lakaran arah mata angin (Utara, Timur, Barat, Selatan) dari tengah rumah/ bilik - atau sekurangnya arah kiblat. Ini disebabkan kerana peranan lokasi di dalam rumah dan bilik tidur menjadi satu daripada beberapa perkara utama untuk menjana "energi" kejayaan.
Baru-baru ini di sesi konsultansi 20 Nov lalu di pejabat Meru, Klang menjumpai satu perkara menarik tentang peranan arah dah lokasi. Ada seorang peserta yang menghadapi pelbagai bentuk liku-liku cabaran dalam hidup yang mana banyak usaha dilakukan tetapi tidak membuahkan hasil yang baik. Rupa-rupanya apabila diperiksa arah dari rumah ke pejabat adalah 5, dari pejabat balik ke rumah adalah 5, di dalam pejabat kedudukan meja di sudut 5, dahlah alamat pejabat Jalan 5/1, di rumah tempat tidurnya pula di sudut 5. Sebelum ini pernah buat bisnes tapi tak berapa menjadi rupanya dari pejabat ke tempat bisnes adalah 5... jadi, untuk membantu peserta ini berjaya, bukannya tukar potensi tapi sekadar tukar posisi dan arah aje! Kan mudah!
Juga, dalam sesi konsultansi 20 Nov lalu mendapati ada beberapa individu yang buat bisnes bermacam-macam tapi tak nampak berjaya... rupa-rupanya ada sindrom Pola Bermusim ! Jadi, mereka itu tidak perlu tukar bisnes, hanya cuma sistemkan pendekatan perniagaan. Untuk itulah, modul terbaru iaitu Modul Menyelesaikan Masalah Perniagaan Secara Kaedah Pernomboran (1 Jan 2012 di Meru, Klang, Jan 2012 di KL dan 4 Feb di Kulim, Kedah) akan dibuat untuk membimbing bakal dan para usahawan yang akan atau sedang atau telah dalam perniagaan untuk lebih berjaya mengatasi pelbagai fenomena yang mengganggu potensi dan prestasi perniagaan; antaranya Pola Bermusim, Pola Sendirian, Pola Bermacam, Pola Tolakan Pelanggan dsbnya... kita akan dedahkan penjelasannya dan seterusnya dapatkan penyelesaiannya.
Dalam akhbar Harian Metro lalu terdapat satu rencana perihal penipu. Apabila diperiksa tarikh lahir mereka itu (cuba baca kat situ) memang ada pola yang sering dikaitkan dengan penipuan dan putar belit! Nak tahu pola apa tu ye? Jom, datang ke Kursus Asas Pernomboran! Kebetulan berita ini dari Johor Bahru!
AMARAN: Jika anda atau orang anda kenali ada pola penipu, bukan bermaksud anda memang dilahirkan penipu tetapi tarikh lahir statik menggambarkan seseorang itu LEBIH MUDAH TERDORONG untuk berlaku sedemikian berbanding orang lain yang tiada pola tersebut. Namun, pola tersebut boleh
Kursus Asas Pernomboran Modul 1 adalah fokus penjelasan mendalam tafsiran dan maksud pola-pola 1 angka, 2 angka dan 3 angka. Kepada mereka yang baru dalam pernomboran atau bekas peserta kursus untuk ulangkaji mendalami maksud dan tafsiran pola angka dengan lebih meluas berbanding dengan tafsiran ringkas yang selalu diberi dalam beberapa modul kursus.
Contohnya, kalau dulu pola 426 dikatakan tentang potensi berceramah, tetapi kini pola 426 sudah banyak dan lebih panjang daripada itu! Sesuai sebagai pengetahuan umum/ tambahan kepada mereka yang belum atau pernah belajar perihal tarikh lahir. Sesuai untuk semua golongan masyarakat mahupun usahawan..
Bonus: 3 lagi pola angka penemuan terbaru! yang belum pernah diceritakan dalam kursus sebelum ini.
AMARAN: Jika anda atau orang anda kenali ada pola penipu, bukan bermaksud anda memang dilahirkan penipu tetapi tarikh lahir statik menggambarkan seseorang itu LEBIH MUDAH TERDORONG untuk berlaku sedemikian berbanding orang lain yang tiada pola tersebut. Namun, pola tersebut boleh
Kursus Asas Pernomboran Modul 1 adalah fokus penjelasan mendalam tafsiran dan maksud pola-pola 1 angka, 2 angka dan 3 angka. Kepada mereka yang baru dalam pernomboran atau bekas peserta kursus untuk ulangkaji mendalami maksud dan tafsiran pola angka dengan lebih meluas berbanding dengan tafsiran ringkas yang selalu diberi dalam beberapa modul kursus.
Contohnya, kalau dulu pola 426 dikatakan tentang potensi berceramah, tetapi kini pola 426 sudah banyak dan lebih panjang daripada itu! Sesuai sebagai pengetahuan umum/ tambahan kepada mereka yang belum atau pernah belajar perihal tarikh lahir. Sesuai untuk semua golongan masyarakat mahupun usahawan..
Bonus: 3 lagi pola angka penemuan terbaru! yang belum pernah diceritakan dalam kursus sebelum ini.
Menghadapi Tahun 2012 yang begitu mencabar... untuk bisnes dan kehidupan; kekayaan dan kewangan anda, keluarga dan organisasi... anda, ahli keluarga atau organisasi anda boleh terkesan dari kesan langsung atau tempias daripadanya...
2011/11/20
KOTA BAHRU: Konsortium Transnasional Bhd (KTB) mungkin menghentikan sepenuhnya perkhidmatan bas henti-hentinya, Cityliner di enam negeri bulan depan ... Pemberhentian perkhidmatan itu dijangka berlaku di Kelantan, Terengganu, Selangor, Kedah, Pulau Pinang dan Pahang, membabitkan 80 laluan dan 400 buah bas.... dengan kerugian kira-kira RM300 juta yang ditanggung kini, syarikat tersebut terpaksa bertindak begitu bagi mengelakkan daripada terus menanggung kerugian setiap tahun.
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Pada Jumaat 18 Nov lalu, cikgu A-D berada di La Grandeur Palm Resort Hotel di Senai, Johor untuk satu sesi ceramah dalam satu program Teambuilding, dalam bentuk yang santai, untuk lebih kurang 100 orang para jurutera sebuah syarikat berasaskan "oil-and-gas".
Ini pertama kali cikgu A-D menyampaikan ceramah perihal teknik pernomboran 100% dalam English! Ini disebabkan peserta yang hadir adalah di kalangan para pengurusan atasan dari dalam dan luar negara. Penyampaian dalam English pun boleh juga! Kebetulan bertemu dengan seorang senior yang belajar di tempat sama di Syracuse University, New York, USA.
Ini pertama kali cikgu A-D menyampaikan ceramah perihal teknik pernomboran 100% dalam English! Ini disebabkan peserta yang hadir adalah di kalangan para pengurusan atasan dari dalam dan luar negara. Penyampaian dalam English pun boleh juga! Kebetulan bertemu dengan seorang senior yang belajar di tempat sama di Syracuse University, New York, USA.
Pada 18 Nov itu juga sebenarnya satu sejarah baru dalam pernomboran telah dicipta di Johor - majlis berdoa telah mula dilakukan di Johor... tapi secara tertutup. Pada hari tersebut ada 3 waktu berdoa kekayaan (subuh, tengahari dan tengah malam) dan cikgu A-D sempat berdoa bersama-sama sdra Nizam dan Saiful. Sebelah pagi 6.30 pagi kami berdoa kekayaan di dalam Masjid Lapangan Terbang Senai - sebuah masjid baru moden dan cantik tapi sayang terlupa nak ambil gambar. Kami berdoa di tengah masjid di bawah kubahnya berwarna putih dengan tulisan Asmaul-Husna... memang best berdegung bergema suara satu masjid.
Kemudian, pada jam 2 petang kami berdoa pula di Masjid Saleng berdekatan dengan TJ Mart Kulai (iaitu tempat kita akan berkursus pada 26 Nov nanti). Foto di sini adalah Masjid Saleng - masjid kecil biasa tapi hiasan pintunya menarik. Ketika berdoa kekayaan, guruh mula kedengaran tanda nak hujan... tiap kali cikgu A-D ke Johor mesti hujan! Syukur, hari tu ada 2 payment masuk tak disangka ingatkan masuk lambat...ok juga lah begitu.
Kemudian, pada jam 2 petang kami berdoa pula di Masjid Saleng berdekatan dengan TJ Mart Kulai (iaitu tempat kita akan berkursus pada 26 Nov nanti). Foto di sini adalah Masjid Saleng - masjid kecil biasa tapi hiasan pintunya menarik. Ketika berdoa kekayaan, guruh mula kedengaran tanda nak hujan... tiap kali cikgu A-D ke Johor mesti hujan! Syukur, hari tu ada 2 payment masuk tak disangka ingatkan masuk lambat...ok juga lah begitu.
Selepas berdoa di Masjid Saleng tu kami ke TJ Mart singgah di kedai makan mamak. Tiba-tiba hujan sangat lebat turun. Cikgu A-D perasan yang kami ini duduk dikelilingi pola 38. Kereta di sebelah kanan pletnya 2683 manakala yang disebelah belakang pula tertulis nombor telefon syarikat ada 38. Di sebelah kiri pula (tak nampak dalam gambar) ada sebuah kereta plet 8333. Malah nombor pendaftaran restoran mamak itu adalah 600883! Seolah-olah kami terperangkap dengan angka 38! Juga, beberapa kereta yang lalu lalang juga dilihat ada angka 38. Sebenarnya, sebelah pagi tu cikgu A-D tumpang kereta sdra Saiful plet kereta 7083...kebetulan awning yang kami duduk dibawah tu berwarna kuning...semasa memandu keluar dari TJ Mart, hampir nak terlanggar sebuah kereta plet 3811... cikgu A-D sampai di Tol Bukit Raja, Klang ketika itu jam 9.38 malam dan membayar tol RM43.80... Kebetulan pola 38 sebegini banyak? Akibat kursus pola 38 di Cheras tempohari ke? Atau ada petanda baik tentang kekayaan di Johor yang bakal datang?
Mudah-mudahan ikhtiar berdoa kekayaan kita nanti pada 27 Nov di Muar memberikan kekuatan dan membantu kita menjadi lebih berjaya... berterusan. Jumpa di Muar nanti!
Mudah-mudahan ikhtiar berdoa kekayaan kita nanti pada 27 Nov di Muar memberikan kekuatan dan membantu kita menjadi lebih berjaya... berterusan. Jumpa di Muar nanti!
5 Financial Mistakes That Ruin Your Marriage
by Nancy Anderson
Saturday, November 19, 2011
When I was a child, my father used to joke with me saying, "Nancy, remember, it is just as easy to fall in love with a rich guy as a poor one." There is always some truth in a joke and looking back on this saying as an adult, it is obvious that he was steering me toward what he hoped was a happy life rather than a life of what he perceived would be a struggle. He is old fashioned and didn't think that a girl could create her own financial security (that is fodder for another blog) but his intentions were good. In my career as a financial adviser turned financial educator, I have worked with hundreds of couples and have seen firsthand how money problems, worries and other financial issues can lead to unhappy marriages. If left unchecked, financial problems can ultimately destroy a marriage.
Money and marriage is an age old problem. I've seen many societal and economic changes over my 25 year career: incredibly high interest rates in the 80's, a raging bull market in the 90's, the stock bubble bursting in 2000, the rise of 401(k) plans replacing defined benefit pension plans, as well as the most recent financial crisis. However, during good or bad economic times some things never change — couples are still fighting about money. In many cases, they are the very same things couples were fighting about 25 years ago. According to research as well as my own experience working with couples and money, here are the top five money conflicts that lead to marital strife and ultimately divorce.
Materialism — valuing "things" or money over the relationship. Research on marriage has shown that couples who are materialistic rate at the bottom of the happiness scale. A recent study by BYU and William Jefferson University found that spouses who were BOTH materialistic were worse off on nearly every relationship measure they looked at. It wasn't the lack of money that was the culprit; the authors found that it was materialism itself that created much of the difficulty even when couples had plenty of money.
I saw this firsthand with a former client of mine named Yolanda who unknowingly fell into the materialism trap and nearly destroyed her marriage because of it. She is a first generation American with immigrant parents from Guatemala. She had a misguided notion in her head that if she had a beautiful home nicely decorated with a formal dining room and a landscaped yard for her family to live in then she would be happy. It was almost as if she had a picture of the American Dream and she had to step into that picture and become that person to be happy.
She insisted her husband buy a home they could barely afford along with Ethan Allen furniture and a landscaped backyard — going into debt to do it. This may not seem like materialism because we are not talking diamonds and furs here. We are talking about a dining room table but none-the-less, her focus was on accumulating things instead of on her marriage and family. Fortunately for her, this story doesn't end tragically. When her mother passed away, something triggered in her that completely changed her outlook on her values. She got a much needed wake-up call about what was really important in life before it was too late.
Having conflicting money values. Now I don't know about you but if I was married to someone who gambled away money I'd have a really hard time with that. I see gambling as foolish (unless you are good enough to get into the World Series of Poker.) Foolishly spending money is the number one financial cause for divorce. According to Jeffrey Dew's paper titled Bank on it: Thrifty Couples are the Happiest, when a spouse feels the other spends their money foolishly, it increases the likelihood of divorce by 45%. What caught my attention in the report was the word "feeling." The researchers tell us that perceptions of how well one's spouse handles money play a role in shaping the quality and stability of family life in the U.S.
It isn't just about gambling either. A former client of mine, I'll call her Sandy, was married to someone who was incredibly frugal. Her husband used to check what she paid for groceries and compare them to the weekly ads to see if she got the best price. He actually would be angry and chastise Sandy because she paid too much for a block of cheese saying, "You could have gotten this cheaper at Safeway." He actually wanted her to go to two different stores to shop (even though she worked full time and they had two little boys.) Their marriage ended in divorce and not because she was a gambler by any means but because he perceived her spending as foolish.
The answer here is for couples to come together and decide on how to spend their money. Coming up with jointly held values obviously involves some give and take. If you like to buy lottery tickets, which your spouse sees as frivolous but you feel, "you can't win if you don't play," then jointly decide on a spending limit that you can agree on.
Adopting traditional roles when they don't fit. The commonly held belief that men should handle the financial planning and investments in the family and the women should take care of the day-to-day finances may not fit every couple. In fact, in my household, my husband manages the cash flow — he can be very detail oriented, which is painfully obvious when he is talking baseball with his buddies. It is amazing to me that he knows the batting average of players who retired 5 years ago! He is much better with our cash flow and I am more suited for our strategic financial planning. This is not simply because I have a financial background, but studies on the human brain have shown women to be hard wired to multi-task and those skills cross over to strategic planning. In our case, we switched roles and it works beautifully.
The key is to find the right person for the right role based on aptitude not gender.
Having opposing money styles. It is not uncommon to see financial opposites attract one another. Couples often have mismatched money styles — one is a spender while the other is a saver. Instead of having them work against each other, causing fights and tension, successful couples don't try to change each other. They adapt their money styles to work for both of them. In a previous blog, I mentioned how a newlywed couple set up a plan that made the most of their opposite tendencies. Paula loves her husband's sense of adventure and fun but on the flip-side he spends every dime he has doing it. He loves her stability and discipline since it balances his free and relaxed nature but he is always asking her for money and wanting to tap into her savings. There is tension and resentment on each side.
We came up with a plan that takes their natural money styles into account so they can work together toward common goals and they both contribute financially. The plan is — the spender spends and the saver saves. He is in charge of the short term emergency savings and unexpected expenses that come up. He doesn't feel concerned when he has to tap into the emergency fund and since he is saving monthly, it gets replenished regularly with automatic transfers from checking to savings. She is in charge of long term goals — retirement, saving for a down payment for a house and saving for annual vacations. She hates to part with their hard earned savings so she is best suited for the big goals that take more discipline in achieving.
The key here is instead of judging each other and essentially working against each other, row in the same direction.
Magical thinking — getting results without a plan. One of the most undervalued yet important reasons to work with a financial planner is to force couples to develop a plan together and, at minimum, review it annually. Some people have some of the individual pieces of their finances in order but having a plan puts the pieces together. Couples who don't have a plan don't have a chance of meeting their goals.
The do-it-yourselfer can do the same thing, of course, but it takes a little more discipline. Either way, developing a financial plan gets couples moving in the same direction toward goals they have developed together. Over the course of my 25 years as a financial planner, I've seen a significant difference with couples meeting their goals — being able to retire, touring Europe, investing in vacation properties, etc because they planned, reviewed their plans annually and worked as a team.
Couples who improve their attitudes about money and their communication can truly have it all. Since finances are the biggest cause of stress (a 2010 APA study found that 76% of Americans see money as a source of stress in their lives) and stress is a major cause of disease, improving financial literacy also has the added benefit of improving your health. Keeping your values in the right place and improving finances can actually bring health, wealth and happiness. What more can we ask for?
by Nancy Anderson
Saturday, November 19, 2011
When I was a child, my father used to joke with me saying, "Nancy, remember, it is just as easy to fall in love with a rich guy as a poor one." There is always some truth in a joke and looking back on this saying as an adult, it is obvious that he was steering me toward what he hoped was a happy life rather than a life of what he perceived would be a struggle. He is old fashioned and didn't think that a girl could create her own financial security (that is fodder for another blog) but his intentions were good. In my career as a financial adviser turned financial educator, I have worked with hundreds of couples and have seen firsthand how money problems, worries and other financial issues can lead to unhappy marriages. If left unchecked, financial problems can ultimately destroy a marriage.
Money and marriage is an age old problem. I've seen many societal and economic changes over my 25 year career: incredibly high interest rates in the 80's, a raging bull market in the 90's, the stock bubble bursting in 2000, the rise of 401(k) plans replacing defined benefit pension plans, as well as the most recent financial crisis. However, during good or bad economic times some things never change — couples are still fighting about money. In many cases, they are the very same things couples were fighting about 25 years ago. According to research as well as my own experience working with couples and money, here are the top five money conflicts that lead to marital strife and ultimately divorce.
Materialism — valuing "things" or money over the relationship. Research on marriage has shown that couples who are materialistic rate at the bottom of the happiness scale. A recent study by BYU and William Jefferson University found that spouses who were BOTH materialistic were worse off on nearly every relationship measure they looked at. It wasn't the lack of money that was the culprit; the authors found that it was materialism itself that created much of the difficulty even when couples had plenty of money.
I saw this firsthand with a former client of mine named Yolanda who unknowingly fell into the materialism trap and nearly destroyed her marriage because of it. She is a first generation American with immigrant parents from Guatemala. She had a misguided notion in her head that if she had a beautiful home nicely decorated with a formal dining room and a landscaped yard for her family to live in then she would be happy. It was almost as if she had a picture of the American Dream and she had to step into that picture and become that person to be happy.
She insisted her husband buy a home they could barely afford along with Ethan Allen furniture and a landscaped backyard — going into debt to do it. This may not seem like materialism because we are not talking diamonds and furs here. We are talking about a dining room table but none-the-less, her focus was on accumulating things instead of on her marriage and family. Fortunately for her, this story doesn't end tragically. When her mother passed away, something triggered in her that completely changed her outlook on her values. She got a much needed wake-up call about what was really important in life before it was too late.
Having conflicting money values. Now I don't know about you but if I was married to someone who gambled away money I'd have a really hard time with that. I see gambling as foolish (unless you are good enough to get into the World Series of Poker.) Foolishly spending money is the number one financial cause for divorce. According to Jeffrey Dew's paper titled Bank on it: Thrifty Couples are the Happiest, when a spouse feels the other spends their money foolishly, it increases the likelihood of divorce by 45%. What caught my attention in the report was the word "feeling." The researchers tell us that perceptions of how well one's spouse handles money play a role in shaping the quality and stability of family life in the U.S.
It isn't just about gambling either. A former client of mine, I'll call her Sandy, was married to someone who was incredibly frugal. Her husband used to check what she paid for groceries and compare them to the weekly ads to see if she got the best price. He actually would be angry and chastise Sandy because she paid too much for a block of cheese saying, "You could have gotten this cheaper at Safeway." He actually wanted her to go to two different stores to shop (even though she worked full time and they had two little boys.) Their marriage ended in divorce and not because she was a gambler by any means but because he perceived her spending as foolish.
The answer here is for couples to come together and decide on how to spend their money. Coming up with jointly held values obviously involves some give and take. If you like to buy lottery tickets, which your spouse sees as frivolous but you feel, "you can't win if you don't play," then jointly decide on a spending limit that you can agree on.
Adopting traditional roles when they don't fit. The commonly held belief that men should handle the financial planning and investments in the family and the women should take care of the day-to-day finances may not fit every couple. In fact, in my household, my husband manages the cash flow — he can be very detail oriented, which is painfully obvious when he is talking baseball with his buddies. It is amazing to me that he knows the batting average of players who retired 5 years ago! He is much better with our cash flow and I am more suited for our strategic financial planning. This is not simply because I have a financial background, but studies on the human brain have shown women to be hard wired to multi-task and those skills cross over to strategic planning. In our case, we switched roles and it works beautifully.
The key is to find the right person for the right role based on aptitude not gender.
Having opposing money styles. It is not uncommon to see financial opposites attract one another. Couples often have mismatched money styles — one is a spender while the other is a saver. Instead of having them work against each other, causing fights and tension, successful couples don't try to change each other. They adapt their money styles to work for both of them. In a previous blog, I mentioned how a newlywed couple set up a plan that made the most of their opposite tendencies. Paula loves her husband's sense of adventure and fun but on the flip-side he spends every dime he has doing it. He loves her stability and discipline since it balances his free and relaxed nature but he is always asking her for money and wanting to tap into her savings. There is tension and resentment on each side.
We came up with a plan that takes their natural money styles into account so they can work together toward common goals and they both contribute financially. The plan is — the spender spends and the saver saves. He is in charge of the short term emergency savings and unexpected expenses that come up. He doesn't feel concerned when he has to tap into the emergency fund and since he is saving monthly, it gets replenished regularly with automatic transfers from checking to savings. She is in charge of long term goals — retirement, saving for a down payment for a house and saving for annual vacations. She hates to part with their hard earned savings so she is best suited for the big goals that take more discipline in achieving.
The key here is instead of judging each other and essentially working against each other, row in the same direction.
Magical thinking — getting results without a plan. One of the most undervalued yet important reasons to work with a financial planner is to force couples to develop a plan together and, at minimum, review it annually. Some people have some of the individual pieces of their finances in order but having a plan puts the pieces together. Couples who don't have a plan don't have a chance of meeting their goals.
The do-it-yourselfer can do the same thing, of course, but it takes a little more discipline. Either way, developing a financial plan gets couples moving in the same direction toward goals they have developed together. Over the course of my 25 years as a financial planner, I've seen a significant difference with couples meeting their goals — being able to retire, touring Europe, investing in vacation properties, etc because they planned, reviewed their plans annually and worked as a team.
Couples who improve their attitudes about money and their communication can truly have it all. Since finances are the biggest cause of stress (a 2010 APA study found that 76% of Americans see money as a source of stress in their lives) and stress is a major cause of disease, improving financial literacy also has the added benefit of improving your health. Keeping your values in the right place and improving finances can actually bring health, wealth and happiness. What more can we ask for?
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